oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
