my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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