I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
