Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize