Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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