you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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