my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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