then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
