Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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