How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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