i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
