There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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