he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
