Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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