Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
