just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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