i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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