the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
