i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
