You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
