It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
