Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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