sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
