i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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