god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
