this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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