I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
