I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
