dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
