I must be too annoying 4 u.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just had sex bonerless
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
