giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
