addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
