with your own penis?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
