Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
