Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have tasted many bathrooms
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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