just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two words: blizzard sex
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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