...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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