Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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