she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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