I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she told me i tasted like america
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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