I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
