I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
