Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
