I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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