woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
