spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
