Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
