My room smells like vodka and shame
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
