wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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