it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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