i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
