Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
