I don't remember. Are we still dating?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
