she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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