I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
