Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
